solemn memory of the heart

And so i
r
u
n
speed, picking up speed
to catch you up

Wait. i huffed.with that you were g-o-n-e.
a mirage...juz toying with my mind
my heart

a sickened feeling in the stomache
the wrenching of my heart
the regrets that nagged my back
i was not the son that you would have want.

thus
i shed a tear or two
in remembrance of the times spent with you
The love and that aura that embodies you
i want to touch you.
i want to be spoilt by you again.
i want to be loved once more
i want to talk to you
i want to hear you laugh

Don't look down from where you are
Im not who you want to be
Yet
no not yet
But if you were to..
Don't you shed a tear for me
Don't you worry
For i still love you so
For I still send that prayer for you

This heart, etched deep
with the carvings of your name
This mind, keeps pouring
of you, every bits that i noe of you.

FOr that is what i have left
Your legacy......




Today is 4 days away from Hari Raya. Today is 6 days away from my first paper. Today is that day, 5 years ago, when it felt like someone just tore out a piece of my heart..i love you so.

remorse no more

So much for being crestfallen and in deep melancholy..for the good people at COLDPLAY has decided to extend another night here in Brisbane!! This i gathered during that faithful 1hr break in uni, where all alone and feeling somewhat desolate, i made my way to the computer zone in the library. (ok this was last thurs, and i have procrastinated in updating this only till now)

I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry, I wanted run and do a choreographed flips, cartwheel and ending with a twist. But somehow, pride and dignity (plus the cool factor) got the better of me. Thus, i orchestrated all those in my head.

Am heading to Ticketek in the city on 18th of Oct to get hold of those golden ticket. Will be queuing there with Royston and Sherwin at 6am sharp. With tickets selling faster before u can say X&Y, it's worth being Singaporean at times (read: kiasu)

PS: Vina, who is FIX[ing] YOU right now??..Tell you what, I'll buy a poster of Coldplay and get it delivered to you. You can put it up in ur room and blast all those tracks from Coldplay (which i suspect you would have burnt). That way, you can pretend that you are right smack in the concert.

the mother of all low!

i wanna cry..i wanna die..for bloody COLDPLAY tix are all sold out!!

To think i have beengloating to my friends back in Singapore, of how they are missing all the concerts here. Of how when i got wind that Coldplay will be coming here sometime next year on Rove Live, i immediately told my friends that they are missing good shit!. And now..and now..(add dramatical weeps) all the tickets are exhausted. Blardy pirates are scalping them on Ebay.

But somehow, i'm against the idea, it contradicts the moral ethics. I'm ok wif ppl selling stuff on Ebay. But not ppl who purchase tickets wholesale with a notion of ripping off sad sods like me. Furthermore, Chris Martin pioneered (or rather a public speaker) the promulgation of making trade fair. That further hindered me from purchasing from this low scumed profiteers.

So here's what i am planning to do.

1) write an email to Coldplay (im a member of thier website..u noe!) and ask for a free ticket, thru proclaiming that i'm thier biggest fan (for i do not RIP OFF thier music online unlike MOST of my friends..you noe who they are) and that blardy army..i repeat..BlARDY ARMY..ripped my chance of attending thier concert in Singapore by enlististing me 2 days prior to thier gig.

2) Write an email to the promotions company that's bringing them in asking for free tickets on account as above. subnote: i hope that the 2 plans above works..for free ticket = back stage pass. And maybe my face might come on in some press while mingling with them.

3) beg my mom for money and get me an airticket to either Adelaide or Perth where the ticket sales are not out yet. Or melbourne for thier 2nd nite ticket.

4) last resort buy off from those low lifed scums on Ebay!!...

but for now, let me juz continue attending to this misery of mine.

in deep melancholy

Ramadhan (fasting month of the muslim calender) looms in just 4 hours as I am typing this. This will be my first fasting month away from home. I will miss the sumptious spread of food laid upon the table by my mom before the break of dawn and after dusk. The smell that filters through the whole house of the dishes she whips out from the kitchen. Painstaking for her, which i soon realise the back breaking chore of cooking once i embarked on my academic journey off-shore.

No one to bang on my door repeatedly, forcing me to wake up and eat before the crack of dawn.

No Gelang Serai bazaar, where its filled with the hustle and bustle of ppl hawking their goods and bargaining being exchanged. No ramli burgers, ayam percik (can cry) and dengdeng which feeds this stomache of mine year after year.

No family to celebrate with, the joyful day of Hari Raya where everyone goes out in full force visiting, eating those kuehs, rendangs, ketupats, lontongs(ok i am torturing myself). What's more worrying is that, with me being here, my dad long gone and my mom performing her religious rites in Mecca, my 3 sisters will be celebrating this joyous season on their own. Visions of them visiting relative after relative without a full unit family saddens me so.

in times like these, i wish i would be shipped back home. *sighz*

it takes 10 men to throw me into the pool!

I was at the riverview tce girl's last night. Bored off my socks, trying to surmount over my endless assignments. What was to be a chill out session between 3 (ashley, kelvin and me) sees others streaming into the girl's apartment. (read: Royston, Sherwin, Phillips, Eng Kiat, Adrick, Junwei and Charlene).

Before long, the night goes on with endless chatter. Jump start to the middle of it, I somehow proclaim arrogantly (though, with true fact) that it takes 10 people to throw me into the pool. I somehow wished i would have just kept my mouth shut, in light of the throw-kelv-in-the-pool saga. (see post below).

I pretended to be all so nonchalant about it, knowing that the guys were orchestrating their plot between themselves in mandarin (phillips: i understand mandarin). Thus, i made my way to the door on pretense that 'hey we should be heading back, the girls need to sleep'.

I don't know what got into me, and suddenly made a mad dash for home (about say 500m away). A fool i was, with 1) a nestle crunchie tub of ice-cream (which the girls call me a cheapskate for bringing it home..hey!! its blardy crunchie icre-cream, i would be glad to leave it to you guys if its home brand!!) 2) a fourskin bag containing the ice cream (which gave me the moniker of an uncle from the sight of it) and 3) my blardy loose slippers (which goes flip-flop-flip-flop-flip-flop).

I should have just removed the slippers and ran barefooted coz very soon Phillips and EngKiat caught up with me. So the 3 of us were standing by the road, with me holding on to a railing, in what looks to be compromising position (read: threesome). So the rest came after (Adrick, Kelvin, Junwei and Charlene) about say 10min later. Not to outdo what I have initially boasted (of having 10 guys to throw me into the pool) i mustered all the strength and dexterity, twisting and turning to make what seems to be a seamless 5 man job, difficult.

And proved it i did, albeit having to fake that i was in excruciating pain. I went 'OOOWWW!!..MY BACK!!, MY FREAKING BACK!!'. and so everyone froze in their tracks. Suddenly everyone were concerned (so touched..FOOLS!!) and started asking me if im ok et al.

I got up from the ground and realised that whilst i was putting on that act, my front was actually on the blardy soil!! so i got my blardy skin exfoliated. I pretended all these, till the guys decided to put it to a stop and Eng Kiat and Phillips headed for home.

I had to put up with so much verbal abuse when the rest got to know it was all and act. Kelvin, in particular went, ' i feel so cheated!!'..hahahaa.
So now i get very wary of going to the riverview tce boys' and girls' for i know somehow, i will be sure be thrown into the pool

Lesson learnt? 1) keep my mouth shut the next time 2) don't be a cheapskate and just blardy loose the ice-cream 3) drop the fourskin bag (running in the middle of the night is uncool, running with a fourskin bag is unglam) and 4) just screw the slippers and go barefooted.

but nonetheless, it takes TEN people to throw me in, so next time guys, round up your army first before you even think of trying!! <--- so much for keeping it shut!